Discipline

So I am trying to post more regularly because I know I have a lot of fans out there wondering what I have been up to. Tsjaz was reading a book called "Discipline Without Stress Punishment or Rewards". I thought it would be a good idea to incorporate the ideas from this book into my classroom. If you have any idea what my classroom is like, you know incorporating any type of discipline with or without rewards and/or punishment is quite a challenge. Basically the premise is that all classroom behaviors fall into 4 categories: Anarchy, Bullying, Conforming, and Democracy. As a class we discussed these categories and defined behaviors that would represent each category. This was after we noted that "conforming" was not the same as "being a snitch". Apparently some students thought "conforming" might be the same as being an "informant". Once we came to a consensus that, as of today, our class falls somewhere in the middle of bullying and conforming, I mentioned that our goal was to become a democracy. At this point one of the students said "Good luck with that".

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." -Anatole France

Hank and Jack love Canada.

And this one.

Eli

This one's for you Lisa.

Summer's gone

Summer came and went without even saying goodbye. Although I was unproductive compared to last summer, I still did some things, saw some people, had some fun, and all that. Since Tuesday is the official "back to school" day, I decided it is the official "stop being a dumb fuck" day. You probably won't even recognize me. I don't know what I'll do with all that free time I am going to have now that I will no longer be drinking every night, but I'm sure I'll find something to occupy myself. I will also blog more. I'll spend time searching for really good Jack Handey quotes also. Like this one: "Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind".

I wish I would have thought of this

It seems like this man has taken the words right out of my mouth.


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New post, new dog

It's been so long since I've written that I had actually forgotten my password. That should mean there are so many things to write about. I should probably start with the new addition to the family. Eli. He's a 14 year old (give or take a year or 2) Min Pin. He was rescued from a hoarding house in Texas where there were almost 100 dogs and 4 cats. Here's an article about Eli's previous home. All of the animals were surrendered and spread throughout the country. He fits right in with the rest of the family, making it officially 2 humans, 3 dogs, and 2 cats. The only incidents have been with Rasheed Wallace, the cat, pouncing on him at inopportune times, scaring the shit out of him. Sometimes it's from the stairway, other times from the floor up to the couch. Rasheed is quite the character. It's difficult to tell if it's play pouncing like it is with Hank or "get the fuck out of here" pouncing like it would be with an enemy cat, or a 6 pound dog in this case. Either way, Eli sprints to the squirrel tree with Hank and Jack in the morning, gets excited about visitors and eating time with everyone else, and sleeps near my head in the bed, with Hank at my feet. It's like he has been here all along.

I stole this from my friend's Facebook page

Informal Holiday Drunk Driving Survey (in the classroom)

Me: Tell me what you already know about St. Patrick's Day.

Student: St. Patrick's Day is the holiday with the most drunk driving.

Me: Well you know St. Patrick's Day is not actually a holiday in the United States. We celebrate St. Patrick's Day here, but it is not considered a holiday. What do you think might be the holiday with the most incidents of drunk driving?

Random student answers: "New Year's!" "Christmas!" "Easter!", etc.

One student in particular: Saturday!

Me: Which Saturday?

One student in particular: All of them.

Me: Well you know Saturday isn't actually a holiday, it's just a day of the week.

One student in particular: Well, Russian New Year then.

Birth Control

HAHAHA

Today's Quote

Me: "What are some other expenses you might have on your monthly budget? Remember your monthly income is $1,563."

Student: "Best Buy."

Me: "What do you want to buy at Best Buy?"

Student: "I want to buy Best Buy."

Me: "You mean you want to actually buy Best Buy, the store?"

Student: "Yeah, I want to buy that store."

Oh Canada...

So, I'm not here to gloat about who the best country in the world is at hockey. It's obviously Canada and there did not need to be another double gold medal Olympic performance to prove it. What I am here to state my opinion about, briefly, is the post-gold performance celebration by the Canadian women caught on camera. I think it's hilarious. The only people who made a big deal about it (as far as I know) were the citizens of the United States. The only mistake I think the Canadians made were perhaps allowing the 18 year-old to be photographed. She probably should have slammed some beers in the locker room between photos and then returned to the ice to celebrate with her teammates. Or perhaps poured her beverage in a Pepsi bottle, or Coke bottle, like my mom used to do when she thought she was hiding her drinking from us. That would have done the trick. At any rate, the celebration photos only show that I am still proud of the two greatest parts of being Canadian: hockey and partying. Go Canada!

I am going to start every single day of my life with this video

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I can't get a haircut, my uncle's in jail

One of my students ("JH") has not gotten his hair cut in almost two months. The other kids joked around with him at first and JH just laughed it off. Eventually another student did something worthy enough to get made fun of, so everyone forgot about the student with the afro in training. This past week a student in one of JH's classes decided that there was nothing better to do than make fun of JH's hair again. It was decided that JH's hair looked like a cat had been licking it. For several days the teacher would overhear "meow", "meow", but she did not know what this joke was all about. Eventually JH confronted this student and asked him to stop making fun of his hair. The student kept meowing and talking about JH's hair. Security had to come and remove the students mid-fight. I found out all this information when I met with one of our Deans today to speak about the incident, which I was unaware of until this morning because it happened at the end of the day yesterday. I asked JH what the fight was about and he told me it was about his hair. I asked him if he was growing his hair out or if he was planning on getting it cut. His response was "I can't get a haircut, my uncle's in jail". Apparently his uncle cuts his hair, but since he has been in jail there has been no one to cut his hair. God forbid the boy's mother takes him for a haircut. The Dean slipped me a ten dollar bill as I was leaving the room. JH and I will spend some time practicing our community skills tomorrow and just happen to visit a barber who can cut this mop.

Social Visits

Background information 1: I took an informal survey among some friends and acquaintances that consisted of the following question: What is an appropriate amount of time for someone to come visit and stay at your house? The general response I received, if my memory serves correct was somewhere around the 3 or 4 day mark. This response was regardless of how strong or weak your relationship is with the visitor.
Background information 2: A series of unfortunate events from the time of birth to moving out on my own have caused the relationship between me and my parents to be what some may call "strained". It could be called less than ideal for most folks, but in my world this distant relationship is probably as good as it's going to get.
It is imperative that you have these two pieces of background information when reading about the two social visits I suffered through in 2009. While Tsjaz was off gallivanting in Africa my dad decided to come for a visit. He thought it was good timing because Tsjaz would be away and he could spend more time with me. I thought this was terrible timing because it meant I couldn't pawn him off on Tsjaz. Not until he arrived did he mention that he was staying for 10 days. I was also in the middle of a major house project. It was great to have extra hands around to help! Not really because all he did was boss me around and storm inside like a little kid when I wouldn't put up with his domineering nature. To make it through the day I put Bailey's in my coffee in the morning and sometimes lied saying I had to go work with the dogs, but instead met my friends at the bar.
Sometime in November my mom decided to come for a visit. I never actually believe she is coming until she is actually here because of her history of lies, so when she showed up on the doorstep I was a little surprised, relieved, and I'll admit, a little excited as well. When she told me the date of her expected departure, the little excitement I had dwindled and I was filled with this awful notion that my parents are having some sick competition. She stayed for 17 days. It wasn't as terrible as my dad's 10 day visit, but I did drink too much in order to stay in a good mood. I think the worst part was that I had to work all day, then come home from work and was not able to relax because there was someone here waiting.
Both my mom and dad have inquired about what my plan is for spring break. I told them both I'm not going to be around.

Taking the plunge

After wrestling with my own insecurities about starting a blog coupled with some adolescent-like peer pressure, I have decided to trade in my very time-consuming Farmville on Facebook for a blog. I made a mental pros and cons list and had two very disturbing realizations. 1. Farmville takes up a colossal amount of my time and the only thing I get in return is the satisfaction that I am a way better virtual farmer than most of my "neighbors". 2. I dislike talking to people so much that if they could just read my blog I could continue to pursue my lifelong goal of becoming a hermit.